Sorry.

I just realised, in the same way that I’ve realised in real life, that up until this point I’ve been fine jabbering away about things, but now shit just got real. (I said that ironically, OK? In a pseudo-American accent. Don’t think I’m one of those people who say “shit just got real” in a deadpan way. I’m not.)

Anyway, what I mean by that is that this is all so timed, in that if you ovulate on this day, then your eggs and the sperm are defrosted on that day, and if that goes well, the eggs are fertilised and, if that goes well, x days later, the embryo is transferred, and y days after that you have the blood test to find out if you’re pregnant. Or if you’re not. But it’s not you that’s finding out, it’s me. And although I’m trying to be very balanced and pragmatic about the whole thing, I have no idea how I’m going to feel about getting that news. Whatever that news is. And, sorry, but I don’t want to feel compelled to share it with you — or anybody else.

And I know that’s shit of me. I know what it’s like to be reading someone’s blog and feel invested in it, and I will tell you, just not in real time. Sorry. If it’s any consolation, there’s probably about 20 people I’ve told in real life that I’m doing this. (I know that sounds like a lot, but it’s just me, I don’t have one special person who’s going through all this with me, I have lots of special people who, whatever happens, I’m going to need.) But of those 20, only a handful will know when the embryo transfer is, and none will know exactly when the blood test will be.

So, I promise you I’ll be writing it all down, there’s just going to be a bit of a time lag before I post it all. I don’t know how long, I can’t think that far ahead, one day at a time, remember?

In the meantime, if you want to read some positive and heartwarming stories about single women freezing their eggs and/or attempting conception on their own, I heartily recommend A Single Misconception and Attempting Single Motherhood (which is the sequel to Egg Freezing Diaries which is another UK-based, egg freezing blog that must have started about the same time as mine.)

And if you felt minded to cross things, or beseech any deities, secular or otherwise, for their help on my little project, that would be lovely….