It’s not ideal…

Don’t panic, nothing’s gone wrong (that I know of anyway), there’s been no major setback or anything (as far as I’m aware) but do read on and the subject of this post will explain itself…

So I had the biopsy and now everything is just on hold while I wait for the results. I’m sure when we first discussed it the consultant told me that it was “like a smear test”. But then just as we were about to go in to theatre, she told me “it is quite painful” — I just laughed and said “well I’ll look forward to that.” And she quite rightly looked at me like I was mental.

I suppose what I meant was Continue reading

The Plan…

I rather feel like I’ve bigged up this Plan so I hope you’re not disappointed by it. Basically, The Plan came about when I went to see my consultant to have the post-unsuccessful IVF debrief — or the “what the fuck went wrong chat” as I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it called on other blogs.

Anyway, I sat in front of my consultant and said, “So, we had one grade 1 embryo and it failed to implant. And I understand that there may be many reasons for this, but what can we do minimise the likelihood of these being reasons why the same thing doesn’t happen again?”

And that was when she told me about Continue reading

It’s just me — and that’s OK…

Before I get to The Plan referenced in my last post, I just wanted to write a short post about something that I hadn’t really thought about as a positive until quite recently, and that’s the fact that I’m doing IVF on my own.

I mean, part of the reason why I started this blog in the first place was because it’s just me, doing this on my own (although back then when I was egg freezing I was only doing half of IVF on my own) and I kind of bought into the idea that it was shitter to be trying to conceive on my own than as part of a couple. But the minute I found out Continue reading

I’ve gone quiet…

Sorry.

I just realised, in the same way that I’ve realised in real life, that up until this point I’ve been fine jabbering away about things, but now shit just got real. (I said that ironically, OK? In a pseudo-American accent. Don’t think I’m one of those people who say “shit just got real” in a deadpan way. I’m not.)

Anyway, what I mean by that is that this is all so timed, in that if you ovulate on this day, then your eggs and the sperm are defrosted Continue reading

The crying game

Although M, who’s been through three cycles of egg freezing, had told me that none of her cycles were the same, in terms of the numbers of eggs and how she felt, I didn’t really believe her, but this time around, it’s distinctly different from the first time.

The biggest difference is that it’s day eight and I haven’t sat in my kitchen wailing uncontrollably – yet – I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. On my last cycle, by day six I felt like I was permanently Continue reading

Who am I?

I’m 36, single and I live in London, but apart from that, I’m anonymous. Why? I suppose it boils down to the fact that I don’t think that this is anybody’s business but mine. (To be fair, my parents don’t even know that I’m doing this so I’m certainly not about to broadcast it to the rest of the world.)

My sister knows and a handful of my friends know – the ones I can trust, the ones who I know will get it, and will support me without patronising me, or pitying me, or making me the topic of their gossip.

Maybe I’m doing a lot of my friends Continue reading